Monday, 26 April 2021


 Hmmm well since Mental Illness is the #1 cause of suicide may I be so bold to shed light in another direction. 

No one promises to look after another because they were born - not a parent nor a child.

No one says I will give you what you need & take care of you perfectly to what your personality & characteristics require.

We're ALL human. We win some. We make many mistakes. We take on our family's dynamic we bring the great, good, bad & ugly...until...unless we know better because we've learnt better.

I choose to hold people able & accountable for their beliefs, actions and thoughts... there are times when I do not hold them able & I call for help - that's when suicide is mentioned. As that it out of my relm of expertise...

If there is a talk of suicide it's alarming - if there is a plan I ensure Mental Health 911 is called as I am not equipped to handle that.

I have called afew times for others. I tend to be a safe person & Not judge while looking for the reason one would choose death over being alive...

Loneliness, regret, not being good enough, not wanted or needed - lonely & not being needed is #2 & #1 for attempting suicide.

Suicide thoughts stems from being overwhelmed with life, its too much, not being listened to, being talked over, being told your behavior & actions are wrong... which are a result if not speaking up.

A story that was once told, a cold night that one was kept from inside a warm home, abuse, abusing others, addiction & many times there are Mental Health issues.

- the above can ALL lead to Mental Health issues.

Add drugs, alcohol & prescriptions to that. Lack of communication & Lack of community.

My cousin committed suicide & then his cousin committed suicide and his child tried to commit suicide & is now going into a long term treatment facility to work on managing his anger, anxiety, depression & his fear of loss / separation anxiety.

We were lucky this time - the young man got scared & called 911 himself. I wish his father did 20yrs ago & his father's cousin 27yrs ago.

A cry for help can be mistaken as a spoiled kid, behavior issues, drugs, alcohol & other addiction.

It's never about us. When a person speaks, behaves it's always about them... 

Mental health is as serious as cancer as it can be hereditary. It needs to be discussed, openly & honestly without fear of rejection or abandonment.

There's a simple test if it's a cry for help - listening. Hear what's not being said. Hear what is being asked for.

A simple test to see if you're listening or hearing....

If you go back to the last heated conversation 

Imagine saying those words to me.

What would my reaction be?

I used to take high risked troubled youth in my home. I've had 2 OD on pills in my care. They hated themselves for who they thought they were through their own eyes.

- one of those boys just took me, his dad & great aunt & uncle for dinner afew weeks back. We joke & we laugh but we talk about the REAL stuff. I don't sugar coat my thoughts... And I whole heartedly allow his thoughts (whether I like them or not)

The worst thing in life is having someone tell you what you think or what to do as they know better 

(Truthfully if they knew better they would tell you all the AMAZING things about you rather than disqualify you)

Something to consider

If what was said was said to me in the heat of the moment...

How would you feel saying it... Proud, Loving, Respected, Strong?

How did the other person feel? They would feel the same as me.

We aren't perfect. It's healthy to get mad. It's healthy to ask for help. It's important to get experts when dealing with a crisis.

Everyone needs an expert in counselling, relationship therapy, family counselling, grief, abuse, death etc.

I am B L E S S E D to have so many friends who are Clinical Counsellors & who I call when a friend, family member or a strangerneeds someone to talk to.

I do it often as I trust them with my own life my friend's & families.

We all need to be heard - Being heard is being LOVED.

Suicide is intense. Friends & family get angry, defensive & it's their way or no way.

That doesn't help the person who's inner child is crushed.

Instead think of being soft, listening & not taking things personal. 

What would you say if you had one more chance to talk to your brother.

What words would you use?

I would say

I'm sorry you're sad. I get how you feel this way. You've had a rough life. I can see why you think this way. I'm sorry you weren't loved, protected & adored as every child deserved to be. I'm sorry you were hurt as a child. Please forgive me for not speaking up for you when I could have. No one should be treated that way. It was wrong. I wish I got to tell him that he mattered. That his family cared for him & that he was needed & wanted.

I wish I knew then what I know now about Mental Illness, Addiction & Abuse. I was 15 he was turning 20 that year... He would have just turned 47.

We can't fix others. We can only fix ourselves.

If I am reading this correctly & I am assuming ALOT as I don't know the story. Family is always a tough & delicate situation.

I don't know nor pretend to know the right thing to do.

But I know that when I work on myself all things around me grow too. And I ask others if I can help getting them help.

If I had a do-over for those I've personally lost to suicide I would stand up to the crazy people that destroyed them when they were young. They were abused. Neglected & so much more.

Suicide was there way out & I can't change it. I understand what took them down that road - they didn't have a way out.

Everyone wants to love & be loved. My goal in life is to Love People Anyways. That's hard sometimes especially when those who were to teach us LOVE showed the opposite.

Loving, accepting, listening & hearing our hearts without denial, excuses & reasoning is what heals.

I failed to hear you, I will make my best effort to do better...that is what I would tell my cousin & his cousin today if I could have a Do-over.

And that is what I will tell his son today

Thank you Ang-from my cousin

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